Today we’d like to introduce you to Tanner Fox.
Hi Tanner, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
My name is Tanner Fox, I am the oldest of four boys, a husband, and most recently, a father. I was born and raised in Lakeland, FL. Got a bachelor’s degree from Samford University in Birmingham, AL, a master’s degree from Reformed Theological Seminary, and now serve as the Associate Pastor for Adult Discipleship and Mission at First Presbyterian Church of Orlando.
My story might best be summed up by a quote from St. Augustine of Hippo, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” He wrote these in 397 in a book called Confessions in which he tells his own story of his own exploration of his heart, the desires and longings he chased for years, and what it was like to draw near to the Lord and find rest.
There has always been a low-key restlessness in my heart. I’m ambitious, pretty good at stuff, extroverted, and just arrogant enough to be confident (think fake it till you make it) while concealing lots of insecurity and fear related to what people thought of me or whether or not I was measuring up to standards I set or others set for me. I was (still am?) as competitive as I have ever known someone to be and when I won, I felt my worth and when I lost, all of the emotions of sadness and anger would come out unfiltered, letting the world around know how deeply my success or failure was tied to my identity.
As I got older, concealing the rage and sadness that accompanied failure got a little easier, ironically because I realized that my outbursts really affected what people thought of me. But the restlessness remained. I considered it a strength, to rarely settle, to always need something to do to keep me busy, to prove my hours amounted to something, to remind people that I was not worthless by “doing” to prove my worth. I’m a 3 on the enneagram, which you might have already guessed by some of this rambling. I think a lot of the root fear had to do, not with failure, but with fear of being abandoned because I was a failure. I desperately wanted to achieve, but only so far as that achievement would mean something to others so they would, at the least accept me, at the most, love me. Once again, there’s a bit of irony in doing whatever it takes to get people to like you, only to find out you’ve been a bit fraudulent in the presentation of who “you” are.
When you are constantly worried about being worthless, you tend to just keep going, pleasing, working… That’s why the word “restless” resonates with me so deeply. The band Sleeping, at Last, did an album on enneagram types and his song for my type hits different, as the kids say.
He narrates the words of hope my heart wants to sing…
I only want what’s real
To set aside the highlight reel
And leave my greatest failures on display
With an asterisk, worthy of love anyway.
I’ve already said a lot and there is plenty more to say, but the real gift is God’s kindness through it all. I met Jesus when I was 6 but I treated him like I treated everyone else. God was another person to seek approval from. This relationship felt even more grueling than the others, particularly because eternal life was on the line. But God, in his kindness, over many years, revealed his love for me in the grace of Jesus. Through the good news of the Gospel, I was assured that I was worse than I realized and yet loved beyond my wildest dreams by the Lord of all creation.
Since then, I have learned a lot about forgiveness, reconciliation, the pains of pride, the power of story, the goodness of rest, the warmth of community, the gift of emotions, the relief of humility, and the grace of Jesus. I am humbled to know I was made by and for a loving God and in Him I truly have found rest for my restless soul. My story has led me to my work. Jesus offers the gift of life eternal and life abundant in the community that he began which is what we now call the church. Each day I get to work on things and with people in the hopes that folks will reorient their lives around the good news of Jesus where they can find rest for their souls.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
One of the roles I play at FPCO is the leader of our young adult ministry (20’s Ministry). I lead this ministry in a way and with the hopes that restless souls like mine might find a home in community and in communion with Jesus.
In 2014, we realized that a lot of young adults were moving back to Orlando and visiting our church but didn’t feel like they “fit” anywhere. We had great kids’ programs and once folks got married there were places for them to connect as well, but the recent grads up to about 30 didn’t feel like they had a home.
So, my wife wrote a letter to our senior pastor asking him if the church could do something to serve our age and stage a little better and that led to the beginning of 20s! In 2014 we started by meeting once a month, in homes, with the goal of meeting lots of new people, inviting all the 20’s we knew, hoping that we could help them connect more deeply into the life of the church!
Fast forward to 2022 and the work of 20’s ministry continues here in Orlando. Our vision is to be a landing spot for folks in their 20’s who have recently graduated or moved to town! We meet up once a month altogether, throw some parties around the holidays, go to church together on Sunday mornings, brunch together, play pickleball together, volleyball together, and just hang out.
Beyond these big group hangouts, we also have a number of small groups that meet and are open to new folks. The larger gatherings are great for connecting on the surface, but most of our folks’ named needs related to being known more personally, in smaller settings. These are the spaces in which lasting community is forged and formed and the desire to belong is truly met.
So, if you’re in your 20s and looking for community, you’re more than welcome to come join us for something and see if it’s a fit!
What was your favorite childhood memory?
My parents’ second wedding! When I was 6-years-old my parents got divorced. They didn’t see eye to eye on the things that were most important in life. It led to tension, frustration, hatred, and ultimately separation.
Over the course of the next 5 years, they both explored different ways to find “the good life” – by that I mean the life you think will bring you what you really want or need. What they found over those years was that the good life wasn’t in more money, more freedom, more work, more success, more stuff, or something new. The surprising realization was that the good life was in simple things like friends, community, and family.
After five years of trying lots of stuff, and experience of forgiveness with the living God, new humility, renewed love, and desire for reconciliation, we went to our local church on my parent’s original anniversary so that they could get remarried. From there they had three more kids and our family grew in number as well as love for each other. I’ll never forget that day at the church. Just me, my parents, our pastor, and his wife bearing witness to a renewal of commitment and care that has blossomed into a story worth telling.
My little heart could have grown cynical to the pain and “unfairness” of this world, but instead, through the forgiveness found in Jesus, my parents were moved to forgive and risk love again, planting the seeds of hope and reconciliation in my life. When hope is connected to a transcendent being full of love and grace, it can blossom and carry you along in a life littered with chaos. It doesn’t make all the bad stuff go away, but the hope of Christianity is that, someday, all the sad things will come untrue. My parent’s story is a micro-narrative that points to the macro-narrative of the world that God has made and is restoring.
Contact Info:
- Email: Tfox@fpco.org
- Website: www.fpco.org/twenties
- Instagram: @iamtannerfox, @fpco20
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FirstPresOrlando
- Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-pres-orlando-sermons/id1482035523?uo=4 & https://open.spotify.com/show/3xuBD3ixBy0xpLjGIRlvr4
Image Credits
Lucy MacLeish Photography
