Today we’d like to introduce you to Boscha Palapava.
Hi Boscha, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I was born an army brat at a US Military hospital in Augsburg Germany. My dad was stationed there and my mother chose to go with him and taught english.
Shortly after I was born they returned with me to the states. We lived in Alabama, Oklahoma, and a few other places before settling down in St Louis.
I went through a few schools, both Public and Catholic, before graduating from high school and attending the Kansas City Art Institute.
Throughout grade school, and into high school I found it very difficult to fit in. I was a queer youth in middle America in the 70s and 80s. Enough bullying and beatings and i found myself hiding deep in the closet, choosing not to even acknowledge myself.
As a loner kid, I spent most of my time reading and sketching. My folks tried putting me in soccer and baseball, but I was definitely a square peg in a round hole.
In high school I got into the National Art Honor Society, eventually being awarded a scholarship to Art school. There I mainly studied photography and video production, just before those studies were made obsolete by digital technology.
After college, I roamed around the country, living I a different state every year from Dallas, to Madison Wisconson, to Tempe, to San Diego, to St Louis, to Huntsville Alabama, and eventually settling in the Cocoa Beach area.
While in Huntsville I finally was able to get an apprenticeship at a shop near the gates to Redstone Arsenal.
After a few years there helping my family and learning my craft, I moved to Brevard and spent 3 years managing a shop on Merritt Island.
When the owners decided to move up north, I opened my own studio with my wife. We named the shop Monster Monkey Studios Custom Tattoos. In the 20 years of that business, we met and worked with quite a variety of really wonderful people. We had a child. A brilliant kiddo who is the subject of many of the portraits I draw.
During the Covid shutdown, we were unable to bring in clients and tattoo them. We were closed down for nearly 3 months. I was so fortunate that my friends from around the country had seen the colored pencil portraits I had started posting, and many of them commissioned pieces from me that kept my tiny family fed while we waited for financial assistance to kick in. This has taken my career into many fun directions. I’ve also gotten to do drawings for a local honey company, a custom replica Porsche builder, painted a mural with my kid for their school, and done logo designs for a few other delightful small businesses.
Eventually my wife and i divorced. I have primary custody of our child. Being a parent has been among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. My child’s mother and I cooperate very effectively to raise our child. I think we get along better now than ever before. I feel very blessed to have her help and support. Our child is thriving. Kiddo is on the honor roll, and has been accepted to the gifted program. I couldn’t be more proud of them.
As a single parent, working constantly, and being outside of a relationship for perhaps the first time since high school, I found myself forced to self-reflect. I couldn’t just run to the safety of a relationship. I had neither the time, nor the attention to devote to another partner, and people need that. I began to understand just how codependent I have always been. Constantly seeking out a partner who needed someone, and always striving to be that, rather than face myself. Far easier to fill a role, be a caretaker than to reflect on my own wishes. I had never been able to relate to masculine ideas, pursuits, attitudes. I had tried my hardest to fake that for nearly 50 years. I had sought out people to tell me what to do, how to act. If I couldn’t be happy with myself, maybe I could make someone else happy with me.
I went into therapy and finally expressed that I cannot be fulfilled while masking my gender. I had hoped and prayed every day of my life to magically change into a girl, a woman, or to be able to accept my role as a man. I would then bury those feelings immediately, knowing how folks like me have been treated by society, and in the media. I went into therapy for the first time in my life. I had been afraid to ever do that before, since I did not want to have to examine those feelings, or talk about them to anyone. In hindsight, I only wish I could have done it sooner. I have had a lot of time to reflect, now. I think of the many people I dated throughout the years, and how I had never let any of them truly know me. What relationship could ever work when one of us was always masked and pretending? A few former partners have reached out, expressing that this revelation explains so much about me that had confused them.
I came out as transgender publicly in March of 2021, at 49 years of age. I had already started my medical transition, and I knew people would start to notice the changes. I had a fairly large circle of friends and acquaintances, and I knew that many would not be able to accept me now. I did lose a lot of friends, and clients. Some I had to expected to reject me, others I expected would be more supportive. I was very surprised by who actually did stick with me, and who did not. My immediate family has largely been able to accept me. The friends who have known me the best, and the longest were unsurprised. A couple asked me why it took me so long. I have made a lot of new friends now. For them I think it is simpler, since they only have known me this way. The folks from before have needed to deal with the change. Of perception. Of name. Of pronouns. I couldn’t imagine being happier with myself than I am now. I have finally found peace by embracing my own nature. Those intense sensations of being wrong, of the need to hide, to mask are gone. It is relief. Most strangers treat me very well in public. I think my huge smile may win over some of them. There are occasional folks who go out of their way to express their displeasure, but they are very rare. I do not need or seek their approval. I know myself, and how to be joyful.
A planned road expansion project put the future of my Studio in doubt. We were told that the streetside parking lot would have to go, and quite possibly the entire building would need to be demolished. The artists at my shop needed to find new places to work that wouldn’t be in imminent jeopardy. They have families to feed. I could not keep the place open on my own, and I recently had to cease tattooing there to save money to keep my child and I fed. My 20 year business was shuttered, my income disappeared. We were forced to leave the house we’d been renting, and only due to the help of my oldest friends, and my family, we were able to move into an apartment in Melbourne.
I am currently working at a very lovely custom tattoo shop called Happy Needle Tattoo. The owner, Elaine is an amazing artist, and has welcomed me into her beautiful shop. I am still working on my own art. Mostly portraits in colored pencil on Bristol. I have a few series going. One of candid pictures of my child at various ages. Another of adults remembering the faces they would make at each other as children. A series of memorials that I donate to a local organization in Brevard County called Spacecoast Pride. And I delight in taking on commission portraits always.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
It has never been a smooth road. I have been struggling financially since the closing of my shop. I am working during the week as a custodian for the last year. Tattooing on the weekends. Taking care of my awesome kiddo always. Working on commission art in every free moment.
Life as a queer person has had it’s challenges. My therapist tells me that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder very likely due to CPTSD. I am unwilling to medicate for that, and instead am working through talk therapy and behavioral work.
I am fairly certain that I have undiagnosed Adhd.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
I am mostly known as a custom tattoo artist, but in the last few years my portraits in colored pencil have been taking on more focus. I’ve worked in so many media over the years. pen and ink. Acrylic painting. Writing. Scratchboards, sculpture.
Do you any memories from childhood that you can share with us?
I suppose coming down to Florida to visit my grandparents and having my grandfather teach me to fish, and to make Smoked Fish from what we caught.
Pricing:
- Portaits start at $500 for a black and white 8×10
- Tattoos are largely priced by the piece, but typically will amount to around $175/hr.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @boscha.palapava @boschaillustration
Image Credits
None
