Today we’d like to introduce you to Zoe Nestle
Zoe, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
As a feminist artist, I use my art as a medium of exploration. My academic career began at Santa Fe College, where I received my Associate of Arts degree in photography before transferring to the University of Central Florida. Having recently earned my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in drawing and illustration with a Minor in digital media, my undergrad work primarily focused on creating exterior and interior scenes with toys, technology, and clothing from the past to reflect on my nostalgia for a time in my life when I felt safer and more connected. Now, I am in my first year of graduate school, pursuing my Master of Fine Arts at UCF. In my grad work, I have moved beyond the safety I felt with this work to begin unraveling and revealing the psychological trauma of emotional abuse in the intimate partner relationship.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
My journey hasn’t always been smooth. Diagnosed with learning disabilities when I was an undergrad, I spent years struggling to understand and retain information. In elementary school, I received speech and language therapy, reading and math assistance, and an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). However, the support inexplicably stopped as I progressed from elementary to high school. Learning became even more of a struggle. Math, in particular, seemed like a foreign language. Where I floundered, others seemed to easily excel. Consumed with doubt, frustration, and shame, I blamed myself. This relentless negative internal narrative criticized my intelligence, abilities, and efforts. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was not alone in this struggle. With assistance from my school and family, I was able to develop a holistic approach that has enabled me to mitigate the challenges my learning disabilities presented. In particular, transitioning from Santa Fe College to UCF marked a pivotal moment in my life. UCF provided me with a supportive atmosphere that facilitated significant academic and personal growth.
Undiagnosed learning disabilities frequently breed insecurities, making students feel inadequate and vulnerable. I was extremely vulnerable. During high school and most of my college career, I was in two emotionally abusive relationships. They were similar in many ways – both charismatic and intelligent. They carried an undeniable aura of self assurance and confidence that made it seem like they had everything figured out. Their confidence contrasted sharply with my feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and vulnerability. I was drawn to them.
My highschool boyfriend pushed me to fit his idea of who I should be – wanting me to dress in hyper feminized dresses, and when I couldn’t be the person he wanted me to be, he made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. He would repeatedly tell me that I was no fun when I wouldn’t give in to his desires.
With my college boyfriend when things were good, they were great, but when things were bad, they became unbearably bad. And the bad was unpredictable and came lightning fast. I never quite knew what would cause him to become angry, but once his anger was triggered, it was hard to contend with. I often found myself apologizing for the slightest perceived infraction. Over the years, I learned to tread lightly. I adapted and adjusted to meet his needs and wants, trying to be who he wanted me to be so that I would not be the cause of his anger. Early on, I learned it was easier to agree than to dissent. It was exhausting trying to manage his emotional abuse and trying to keep up with school. I was doing the bare minimum to pass classes and using any spare time I had to be in his good graces.
Looking back, I do not know when the problems began. The hows and whys are elusive and run together in my mind. Fragments of memories are all that remain – fragmented memories that come and go. I do not know what is worse – the memories I cannot recall or the ones that remain. Both relationships were complex, challenging and all-consuming. Who I was, what I needed and wanted slid out of focus, replaced by their needs and wants. It was hard to break free but now that I have, I am healing through my art.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I became an artist because I love taking an idea, wrangling it into formation, and building upon it until it becomes something real – something tangible. In my work, I play with images, colors, and composition to serve as a visual metaphor, exemplifying the subjects I want to capture. However, I am not a traditional artist. Rather, I specialize in digital art and gravitate towards pop art or art appropriation, to be precise. Although this is my preferred artistic style, there was a time when I kept trying to create realistic pieces, even though that was not my forte. As a MFA student, I am continuing to define my style and gain confidence in my work. Recently, I have begun to explore different mediums and create sculptures.
Reflecting back, I am proud to have had my work exhibited at Exordium: BFA Exhibit, Celebrate the Arts at the Dr. Phillips Center, Art Knight, and at Santa Fe College’s Art Show, but I am prouder still of where I am at this point in my life.
Can you talk to us a bit about the role of luck?
I am fortunate to have an amazing support system in my life. My family means the world to me, and without them, I don’t believe I would be where I am today. They are my biggest supporters, and believe that I can do anything. I am working on developing the same confident mindset. One day, I hope to believe in myself as much as they believe in me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://zoenestle.myportfolio.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zoenestle/
- Twitter: https://x.com/ZoeNestle
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@zoenestle
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@zoenestle?lang=en
Image Credits
Personal Photo Submission – Kimberly Evers
