Today we’d like to introduce you to Josh Portillo.
Hi Josh, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
First of all before I start, I wanna thank CanvasRebel for bringing me back for their Inspiring Stories series – it really is an honor, and I wanted to make that known in this interview.
In the last opportunity I had to talk, I went in depth with my story and how it molded me into who I am, how it led me on the path that I’m on, and why it’s so important to remember and grow from. For this series, I’d love to re-tell it again and my hope is that it can help anyone who may be going through mental health issues, obesity, domestic violence, bullying, suicidal tendencies, or just difficulties with moving forward. I apologize in advance if this is a long read, but as I said before in my last interview, it would be a disservice if I wasn’t fully transparent with my experiences that got me here – working as a professional voiceover artist.
There are 2 things that got me to where I am.
1. Friends & Family
2. Problems
As weird as it sounds, my problems that I’ve had to face have helped lead me down the path that I’m on now, which I’m very grateful for. And of course, without my friends & family helping me along the way, I don’t think I would be alive right now, including my mother.
My mom (who’s my hero and first best friend) and I came from a broken home – fueled by toxic love, disappointments, and sacrifice. Domestic violence plagued our home and we suffered because of it. Branching from that, my difficulties with obesity, depression & severe anxiety, bullying, and overall mental health did not help the cause. It was a true struggle from the age of 3 and so on. I don’t want to lie though. There were good times, but having those good times honestly just made the bad ones worst because in the end, all the good just felt like a lie. I didn’t understand why it was like this, but it just was, and my mom did the best with what she had. She took the brunt of the abuse.
Before I dive deep into my story, I wanna make it clear. My mom sacrificed a lot of her time to help me succeed as I grew up – in ways that I’m only now realizing as an adult – and I’ll always love her for that. She’s the strongest woman I know and has one of the most genuine hearts I’ve seen in my 29 years of living. She protected me and taught me how to be a good man, and to learn from the mistakes I made and also mistakes from others around me. Without her teachings early on, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have the type of friends I have today if it wasn’t for her lessons she taught me, and I’ll be forever grateful.
But the pain that was caused to us both is what begins my story.
It all starts with my father.
I joke with friends that my father is the “Thanos” of my life, but it’s true. Another comparison is he’s the “Big Boss” of my story (Big Boss is the first main villain in the Metal Gear Solid series). As a grown man almost 30, I can still remember at 3 years old how he got extremely mad and started hitting me with a brush, and at 8 years old, how he lifted me by the neck and yelled because I kept asking if we can go swimming. I will say, he didn’t abuse me by beating me up senselessly, but it was his words and behavior that scared me – simply because I knew what he was capable of. At 4 years old, that’s when I learned what he could do to us.
It was in March of 1999, I witnessed something I shouldn’t have. Due to a fight at work and a binger of alcohol, my dad came home at 3 am and attempted to murder my mother – twice in one night. I stood a few feet from where they were, in the black-and-white tiled kitchen, and I just watched. I was powerless. My mom, somehow holding back my dad trying to kill her with a sharp chef’s knife, kept yelling at me to go to my room… but I couldn’t. I wanted to save my mother, but I wasn’t strong enough. I was a child, seeing this demon try to take my mother’s life. After a few minutes, I went under my Lion King blanket I had and waited for the nightmare to end. 15 long minutes later, after hearing my mom scream for help over and over again, the fighting traveled to the back of the house, and I came out from under my blanket. I saw a wasteland of pictures and hardware torn apart. It was like seeing a scene out of a horror movie. My heart was beating so fast – at a speed that it shouldn’t be going at that age. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that I was still in this nightmare. If I could compare it to anything that I know of now, this felt like I was in the Eclipse, from the manga series, Berserk.
After a bit, my mother had grabbed me and we were gonna try to leave, but my dad had taken his gun he had and held her up from behind. He pulled her collar and jabbed the gun behind her back. He told her that she’s not going anywhere. At that point, you would expect that we’d both be dead. But thankfully, the police had arrived – thanks to the neighbors hearing my mom’s screams. They called the police at the right time. Honestly, that was divine intervention.
Unfortunately, my dad only got two days of jail for his actions. I won’t go into why because it’s very hard to explain, but overall, this is the issue that kickstarted the path I’m on now. I was put into a mental institution program for kids that saw high levels of violence and “things they weren’t supposed to see”. After that, life went back to how it was… but my dad showed more of his aggressive side as the years went on.
This part is a bit of a tangent, but important. Little did I know, my dad was a very abusive figure before I was born, but in different ways. I didn’t include this part in my last interview, due to the controversial topic I’m going to mention, but my mother was a victim in more ways than one. It was not her fault that she loved my father so much that she wanted to do anything to show that love & loyalty, especially when she was young – close to 20 years old. Before I was born, my mom realized quickly that was she pregnant. It was the beginning stages, so no physical body was truly formed yet, but the process was just starting. She wanted the child, but my dad manipulated & convinced my mom to “not go through with the pregnancy”. I can’t bring myself to write the “A” word, but he controlled her to do that, and made her live with it. When she got pregnant again with me, he tried to pull the same manipulative tactics, but she fought back. Due to her resilience, that’s how I’m here.
I didn’t learn of this sick act from my dad until I was 22 years old.
This was the man that we were dealing with.
Over the course of my childhood, domestic violence became a HUGE problem. It led to me having extreme anxiety attacks. Any time my dad yelled, my heart would begin to beat fast. I didn’t want another “Eclipse” to happen. My anxiety attacks led to depression, which led to me attempting or testing suicide. I was 8 years old, and I wanted to stop feeling the way I felt. I held up the knife that my dad used to almost murder my mother and I wanted to do it. I was so close. I was a sharp stab away from taking the pain away.
I did this twice in one day… but something deep inside me, each time, stopped me. I could hear a voice in my head saying, “You can’t go yet. There’s a job that must be done. You have things you have to do.”
Maybe this was due to me getting inspiration from my favorite video game character, Solid Snake. Maybe… it was the unborn child that my dad manipulated my mom not to have. I’d always felt I was supposed to have a big brother. But overall, hearing that voice, I couldn’t do it.
The domestic violence led me to obesity, which made sense due to the environment my mom and I were living in. My mom was trying her best to give me the best life she could, but she didn’t have a lot to work with. Leaving him would put us in a more dire situation. My dad was very paranoid, needless to say. Because he thought that my mom was cheating on him (and she wasn’t), he made her quit her job and didn’t let her go out and see friends. She COULD… but trust me when I say, she really couldn’t. He was very possessive.
She was suffering as much as I was, in different ways. As I ate myself almost to death, I couldn’t help but get sad over not being able to help her. I wanted to, so much. I wasn’t doing myself any favors in school either. I ended up failing the 4th grade, and the bullying/teasing of my weight and sometimes my nationality of being Asian was frequent.
My highest weight was 345 lbs in the 6th grade. I was just asking for death. But God had other plans.
I knew I had to do something, or I really wasn’t gonna be alive soon, in my opinion. So, I took up an offer to play football. As time went on that year, I began training by myself and saw that a transformation was happening. After 7 months, I had lost 145 lbs. I discovered that a difference COULD be made. The impossible IS possible. That’s what I began to believe. This new inspiration led me to embark on a journey that I thought was just a far-fetched dream: saving my mother.
My coach in middle school, who I credit to saving my life, taught me and the other kids around me a creed. “This is the beginning of a new day. God (or whatever you believe in) gave us this day to use as we will. We can waste it, or use it for good. For what we do today is important, for we have exchanged a day of our lives for it. We want it to be: good not bad. Gain not loss. Success not failure. So that we will never regret the price that we paid for it.” I try to live out this creed to this day, and it really helped with the new dream I had, going into high school. I wanted to fight for that “new day”.
I decided that to save my mom and get her out of the hell we were in, I would get a good education at a private school, play football, and get a full-ride scholarship to a college. With that, I’d take her with me and she could go and live her life in any way she deemed fit. She wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore, and my dad would have no say because I’d be over 18, and we’d have no more strings attached. It was all a VERY flawed plan, needless to say… but that’s all I had. That was the dream. That was the mission.
My mom stayed strong those 4 years. After I had gotten accepted into the private school I chose, she said she wanted me to “work my butt off there and do my best” because it will lead to prepping me for college and a good future. She sacrificed her time for me, cause she knew this was the best chance for me to succeed. It’s the best chance we had.
I was on scholarship too, where if I got terrible grade(s) at some point, I’d be kicked out. I had to stay vigilant. We had very little income, so there was no way we could pay the tuition. I couldn’t fail. I didn’t want to let down my mom and myself.
During those 4 years, I trained hard. I played football, a sport I didn’t really love – due to how I never liked hitting people or hurting others (for obvious reasons), but I kept telling myself that I’m doing what I had to do. With my mom’s health declining as the years went on and football injuries plaguing me, my dream was looking bleak. But again, it’s all I had. I couldn’t give up. It didn’t help that at some point during my Sophomore year, my grandfather – for no good reason at all – also violently hit my mom and made her bleed, after we had went to him and my grandmother to get away from my dad for a bit.
I was so sick of my father’s family.
With this anger and rage that built inside of me, I trained harder. 2 workouts a day, 3 workouts a day, sometimes 4 – it was all to keep focused, get stronger, stay vigilant, and stay hungry to save her. I ended up playing with two ACL tears that were un-operated on in my Senior year. I just wanted to accomplish this dream I had. I wanted her to be truly happy again. I NEEDED to see that.
Some of the coaches I had knew of my situation at home, and while I even expressed to them that I was getting scared about my health, they still convinced me to play. I was 18 and desperate, of course I was gonna say yes. Unfortunately, nothing came out of my efforts. No colleges were answering due to my injuries. I felt like I failed my mother. I felt like my dream wasn’t going to come true… but I was wrong.
Over the course of the 4 years in high school, I befriended a lot of great people, mainly in the theatre department at our school. I ended up joining Chorale and this is where my first introduction to acting was. With my friends, we performed Phantom of the Opera and Fiddler on the Roof, all in one year, and we made great memories together. With this, I had begun to stay at other friends’ houses too, due to the environment getting bad at home. During this particular time while doing Chorale and Theatre, I began to hang out with a specific group of friends that I’ve now been close with for over 10-15 years. I love them all dearly. We dubbed ourselves after the video game, “The Broforce”.
They believed in my struggle. They wanted to help. Over the years, my dad made it look like he was very caring and was the “best” dad at home. It was hard to make others believe in our cause. But in 2014, that all came to an end.
My friends all supported my mom and I’s cause. I won’t go into details but after much work, complications, disappointments, and almost being on the verge of living in a homeless shelter for a while, my friends and I found a way to get my mom out of the abusive world she had been in for over 20 years. She struck the final blow as well – reminding my dad how strong she was, and divorced him.
Due to our actions as well, she was able to get a baby-sized benign tumor removed, which she had had since my sophomore year. It was making her bleed a lot and tired to the point of ultra-fatigue (I’d help her walk to the bathroom and back, and she would say that it felt like she ran a half-marathon). The stakes grew as the years went on, and with the help of the Broforce, my dream was able to come true. My mom was saved. Her sacrifices she made over the years for me were not in vain.
After that, I had made peace with my dad, a year later. My mom convinced me to.
But unfortunately, he passed in 2015, the same year I made peace with him. He died of a supposed “Heart Disease”, but even now, I feel he died of a broken heart.
Because of this loss, it made me confused. While I wanted to save my mom… I also wanted to get revenge on my dad (as cheesy and childish as that sounds). In the end, I felt like I took everything from him. When I saw him after I had made peace with him, he looked depressed. It makes me sick now saying this but I was content. He got what he deserved. That’s what I thought. But after he died, guilt set in. The cliche’ of “be careful what you wish for” held very true.
For a long awhile, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I had no purpose anymore. I had accomplished my mission. I achieved my dream. Now, it felt like a void – and that’s on me. No one else.
I went through college and I didn’t know what I was doing, if I can be honest. I took acting classes here and there. I tried to get a degree in physical therapy but failed out of anatomy. I ended up getting a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies, focusing on Health. Needless to say, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I felt so… aimless. I was lost, and I was still grieving over the events that took place a handful of years before. I felt very pathetic.
It wasn’t until 4 years later in 2018, I discovered voice acting. I had actually asked about it in 2016 when I met my first voice actor, Johnny Yong Bosch, and I was very intrigued, but I didn’t think I’d ever do it. When I decided to do it with my friend in 2018, that’s officially when my VO journey began. And I will say, life has gotten better ever since then. Yes, there has been ups and downs and my mom and I have done our best to cope with the loss of my dad, but we’re still here.
Looking back on everything while I’m on my VO journey now, it feels like I lived two lives already. I know there are others that have been through way more than myself, but for me, it was hard at times and it honestly is a miracle I’m here doing an interview with you all again, re-telling this story.
Back in April, my friends and I were able to move out of Jacksonville, our hometown. Before leaving, I decided to visit my dad at his grave and say goodbye. I had visited him before many times, but this was different. There are a lot of things I’ve left out that happened between 2015 and 2023, but overall, it was just my mom and I coping with the pain we both felt, the trauma we experienced, and the grief we had to handle. Throughout that time, I feel in my heart that my dad and unborn sibling were helping us somehow push through the pain. It’s odd to say, but it’s true.
When I made peace with him back in 2015, he became a different person. He showed no anger. No animosity. He knew what he did. He was just thankful I had come back to him and forgave him. In a way, he saw hope. He wanted to turn a new leaf. The last thing he told me before he died was, “Sometimes Josh, you have to stop and smell the roses, because you never know when they’re gonna be gone.”
Close to 10 years later, those words have not left me.
When I visited his grave in April, I looked up at his memorial wall. Leaving red roses at his grave, I remembered everything that led up to the VO journey I’m in right now, and all I could feel was gratitude and content. Leaving Jacksonville, I knew my mom was gonna be okay, my dad was at peace, that I was finally gonna go “smell the roses”, and that this was truly the beginning of a new day.
Life hasn’t been easy, but the problems in my life have shaped me into the man I am today, and my mom and friends have molded me as well. Even when things look bleak and the darkness is beginning to close in, you can’t give up. You gotta keep fighting, struggling on, and believe that there is hope in your actions.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Due to how long the last answer was, I’ll try to keep this one very brief haha.
It definitely hasn’t been a smooth road, but it wasn’t an excuse to give up. Besides the issues I spoke about before, one of the on-going struggles I’ve dealt with is low self-esteem.
I really don’t know how to explain it, but I guess due to my obesity and other problems I had, I let it all dictate who I am and for the longest time, I thought that’s all I was going to be. This bled into friendships and romantic relationships as I grew up. I just never thought that I was good enough for anyone. Was I blaming my father? I’d lie if I said no. Every time I looked in the mirror as a teenager, I just saw “him”. I hated it. Of course, I’d see my mom in me, especially through how I felt and through my actions, but my low self-esteem grew because of my dad. Unfortunately, it continued to grow because of me as well.
It took all the way up to now, close to 30 years old, to finally start to tell myself that I AM good enough, I do have something to offer, and I am worthy of a great life. My young career in voiceover work is a big reason for this.
Going through hundreds of auditions, many rejections, and countless nights of dealing with imposter syndrome, you tend to get it through your head that if you wanna be something in a field like this, you have to be resilient. You have to tell yourself that you ARE good enough and you WILL succeed. After awhile, that belief becomes a part of you and you change for the better.
This is why I’ll always be thankful to this field. He helped me realize that with constant work and positive self-belief, I am worthy.
Another obstacle I’ll touch on is being remote. It’s a strength and a weakness, and it can feel like you’re on an island at some points – working against an endless army of talent that you may feel are better than you.
And they just keep coming. They just keep attacking… and attacking… and attacking… until you’re on your knees, questioning yourself yet again. Just like as the heroic Noble 6 of Halo: Reach, you’re just trying to survive and keep your dreams alive.
What I’ve learned is that within the grind you put yourself through to grow – especially as a remote VO talent – you have to be ready to market yourself and be your best cheerleader. It gets lonely, being remote. But that doesn’t mean failure is around the corner. You have to be relentless in your pursuit to achieve your dreams. You can’t use it as an excuse. You can’t keep saying, “It’s not fair.” You’re human, I’m human, yes. We’ll say it sometimes. I get it. But it does get old. In the end, you have to make it a strength.
On that island, you have to make yourself shine. You’re the main character. You’re Cloud Strife. You’re Max Caufield. You’re Jin Sakai. You’re Lara Croft. You’re the Black Swordsman, Guts. You’re Senua. You’re Commander Titus of the Ultra Space Marines. You’re Samus Aran. You’re Nathan Drake. You’re Solid Snake. Make your voice heard, and don’t hold back. Become the voice actor you KNOW you can be, and become undeniably great.
Drawbacks will come. Financial issues may come (this economy is terrible right now, so I get it). Limitations may be discovered because you may be remote, but again, that doesn’t mean success CANNOT be achieved.
Struggle forward. Grow. Fail. Rise up again. Get in that booth, turn on that PC & mic, and record your butt off. Audition, audition, audition. Repetition, repetition, repetition. It ain’t game over till you press quit. You’re the cheat code – you’re the answer – and it’s your job to find a way to be successful. It may take longer, but you did it YOUR way.
As a remote voice actor, that’s what I’ve learned, and I hope it helps.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
As a Filipino, Vietnamese, & Chinese professional remote voice actor (holy crud, that’s a mouthful haha), my business is vast. Early on in starting VO work, I learned that immersing yourself in this field and being accepting of all areas of voiceover is the best way to finding success. I remember being told by a VO instructor that sometimes, you’ll get led into an area of VO that may not be your favorite or one that you never pictured yourself in, but you end up finding a lot of success in said area.
Growing up, I was never an avid reader. Wish I was, but I wasn’t. Now, I make a living narrating books, articles, and other dramas written by creatives. It’s funny how life works at times.
Overall, what I’m most proud of is diving into this field in the first place. It’s a scary field but can be very rewarding. When I decided to follow the advice of my friends and go full-time in 2022, it definitely was a risk, but I’m glad I did it. It’s helped me grow not only as a VO artist, but as a man as well.
It’s hard to say what I specialize in, but I will say that I love character work. It doesn’t take away my love and interest for commercial work, of course. Along with that, gig wise, I’m proud to be apart of many great projects that I’ve been fortunate to work in. For instance, I’m proud to be a part of the first Indian anime production called TRIO, Creative Theory World’s revolutionary vision for anime, my work in the game “Dislyte” as the characters Fu Shi & Li Xiao, and the anime production of “My Deer Friend Nokotan”, which was recorded with an all-remote cast. Those are just a few, but I’m proud of a lot.
Lastly, what I want potential clients and followers to know about myself is that I’ll dare to dream until the very end and work till the job gets done. Period. And in regards to my brand, I’ll give you the services you desire, while respecting your directions to the fullest and help make your vision become a reality.
Is there any advice you’d like to share with our readers who might just be starting out?
– Dare to dream.
– Dare to have fun.
– Don’t be afraid to start out small and work a job to support yourself while you pursue your dreams. Most actors go through this, and that’s fine. Just don’t let the fire go out.
– Be wise on who your friends are. The friends you choose almost dictates the path you take. They all don’t have to be doing the same thing you’re doing, but if they care and will support you, that’s what matters.
– Remember, no one owes you anything. You work for your success, and you get what you earn. Don’t expect handouts, especially in the acting field.
– Dare to make bold choices. Study the script. Immerse yourself in the character and make it your own. Be you, not what you think others may want initially. Of course, respect the audition directions and use any illustrations given, but at the end of the day, BE. YOU.
– Business is business. Don’t make it personal.
– Don’t be known for drama.
– Take direction and respect the director & sound engineer you may be working with. Hell, respect the whole team. They’re the ones making you sound good. Treat them with respect. Without them, you can’t sound amazing.
– Stay in your lane.
– In the words of Star Fox’s James McCloud, “Never Give Up. Trust your Instincts”
– As God of War’s Kratos once said, “In moments of crisis (uncertainty while recording/acting), panic does nothing. Harness it. Let it serve you.”
– Have good judgement for yourself. Not all things apply to you.
– Don’t be a sheep. Be a difference. Be a creative that gets the job done. Period.
– Imma repeat this one. Have fun. Many forget that and get lost in their own ego and journey they’re on.
– Be yourself. You’re good enough. Always.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://joshwildfireminist.wixsite.com/vowebsite
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshportillovo/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshportillo65
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/josh-portillo-778716a7/
- Twitter: https://x.com/josh_saitogami
