Today we’d like to introduce you to Cindy Toledo
Hi Cindy, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today?
On July 19, 2011, I came home late in the evening to find my husband dead from a sudden heart attack. The aftermath of shock, disbelief, grief and devastation set me on a journey I did not ask for, but has taken me on a journey I would not have wanted to miss. That night my family and the staff from the church where I worked stood in a circle praying and all of a sudden someone started singing Amazing Grace. In those moments it was as if I heard the audible voice of God saying: “I will give you all of the Strength you’ll need, I will give you a PEACE like you’ve never known and I will give you HOPE for your future”! In the days ahead I hung onto those promises. The words of a song replayed constantly in my head “Your GRACE is enough”. In the aftermath I had to figure out so many things, financially it was devastating, he was self-employed and with the economic downturn we were barely holding on, It was apparent I would lose our house. The stress involved with all of that lasted for almost a year. Three things happened within the first three weeks: 1. I found a “Choose Joy” prayer posted on Facebook by a friend. I printed it and taped it to my bathroom mirror. 2. My brother sat on my bed the next morning and said “I know this will sound harsh but every morning when you wake up you get to decide how you will this out”. 3. The saving grace was that just 3 weeks after Mike died I found Modern Widows Club on Facebook and followed their link to the website. There was a blog called “Crooked Heart, Crooked Crown. There was a sentence in the blog that said, “You’ve been chosen for this journey”. I grasped ahold of that because I needed to believe there was a reason for all of this. I printed that sentence and also taped it to the mirror. At that time the founder, Carolyn Moor had just launched a website that was more of a blog and she was inviting widows into her home once a month to connect, share, and be encouraged. On the website, she was offering a couple of small workshops. I was in Seattle and she was in Orlando. I boldly started emailing her and she so graciously emailed back with what would be an online mentoring. I also would stand in front of my mirror every morning, pull my shoulders back, stand as tall as I could and boldly repeated the words to the Choose Joy prayer, the sentence from the blog and the reminder that I get to choose how I live this out.
Six months later I flew to Orlando, met her, and attended the monthly gathering and the workshops. I was exhilarated that there was a pathway forward. The Modern Widows Club’s mission later became “encouraging widows to lean into life, build resilience, and make a positive difference. One of the things she encouraged us to do that January was to think of something we could do to honor our husbands on the upcoming Valentine’s holiday. I immediately thought about purchasing gift cards from Jiffy Lube and giving them to widows and single Moms. My husband was a mechanic and always said “if you do nothing else keep the oil changed on your car.” I went home and posted a request on Facebook and received about $500 to purchase cards for widows I knew. That continued for the next 5 years. In January of 2013, I started the MWC community in the Seattle area. It was and is an incredible blessing to watch widows come broken and devastated and to watch them begin to make steps forward in their lives. In January of 2014, I was preparing for our group’s 1st anniversary celebration and began thinking about the healing I had seen in these widows over the year. All of a sudden I remembered the words my mother spoke over me on my 50th birthday ten years prior. “The Lord has told me you will be in a healing ministry”. I had no idea what that meant and completely forgot about it until that moment. Yes, God had a plan for my life, and while I would never have wanted Mike to die and I miss him even now 13 years later I know I am where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am blessed to have found love again and have been remarried for 9 years. My husband is incredibly supportive of all I do with our widow community.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
No, it’s not been a smooth ride. Initially, I had to figure out what to do with my house and where I would live. I was in the house for almost a year which was agonizing knowing that I had to move, go through all of our things, and manage the massive garage filled with tools and woodworking equipment. He was both a mechanic and a woodworker. Knowing that I would be living in a small space I had to decide what to keep and what to release. I have to say the challenging part of that was everything that I had to release represented pieces of our life. We had done so much entertaining, always putting on dinners and BBQs, holidays, etc. So many memories of the life we had together. After I moved from my house I lived with one of my daughters from about 5 months until I moved into a townhouse that one of her friends owned. I can remember sitting in front of that condo and being overcome with so many emotions. This would be the first time in my entire life I had ever lived alone. Even living in our home for that year I felt comfort and secure I guess because it was familiar and held so many years of memories.
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I am a mother of two grown daughters who are loving and kind people. I am proud of the women they are. I previously worked for my church for 18 years. I was the office manager/bookkeeper. I assisted with organizing events, volunteers, etc. During the last 7 years of working in the church, I also led the local Modern Widows Club community. At this time in addition to leading the local community, I am also the Program Support Manager for MWC. In that role I support all of the Community Advocate Leaders across the country, answer all of the support emails that come in from our website, and answer all of the 1-844 calls. So, I would say I specialize in not only supporting our leaders but widows across the country. I think I am most well known for being a connector and for serving with my whole heart. I am most proud of being a part of watching a widow come to us broken and hopeless and then finding her hope, begin to heal and grow. It makes my heart sing! I’m not sure what to say about what sets me apart from others. At this time in my life I would say it is my strong faith in God, my desire to love God and love people. I try to use those guidelines as a measuring stick for how to live fully and purposefully. Before Mike died even though I thought I was a good person, I wondered why am I here. I don’t ask that questions anymore. I know why I am here.
What matters most to you?
What matters most to me is what I said previously, loving God and loving people to the best of my ability. And now at this juncture of my life turning 70 this month, it is important to me to live as fully as I can doing what I’m led to do and hopefully continuing to make a difference to those I meet. It’s important because that will be my legacy to my children and to those I love and have experienced life with.
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